Everyday I’m like “today imma get my shit together” and by the end of the day I’m like “tomorrow is the day for real”
Spaghetti Hamster Photoshop Battle [via]
SO HARD NOT TO DANCE WHEN YOU HAVE EARPHONES ON WALKING BY YOURSELF
- Me: *out for dinner with my dad because we were too lazy to cook*
- Random Old Lady: *comes up out of no where with the most judgmental look ever* (will also be refereed to as 'ROL')
- ROL: Isn't he a little old for you?
- Me: Well, considering he's my Dad, I'd say that your a judgmental hag.
- Dad: *chokes into his drink*
- ROL: You should respect your elders.
- Me: You should respect your youth, we're the ones who'll decide on whether or not to pull your cord in like, what? Five weeks?
- Dad: *chokes on his drink again*
- ROL: *storms off*
- Dad: *looks at me with a disapproving look*
- Me: What?
- Dad: Come on, you and I both know it will be three weeks.
does medusa have pubes and if so are they snakes too
i remember one time the simpsons made a joke about fox news and they got so insulted they tried to sue them but the court was like “this aired on ur network u can’t sue urself”
identical twins have so much power tbh last year my lab partner steve came in with pierced ears and everyone was like whoa steve when did u get them pierced and he was like i’ve had them for 3 years. i’m not steve. and he just sat down and started taking notes. the next day steve came in and was like did u guys see my brother jake yesterday lmao we switched schools
My boyfriend broke up with me and my 80 year old, 5 foot tall, Indian grandmother told me that “there are lots of men…”
I thought she was then going to say “…in the sea” but she said “…they’re like flies” and made a disgusted face.
She hates flies.